useless knowledge

I found myself surfing the net, and I stumbled across a site that gives answers to real-life questions like "What do I do if I get pulled over by an unmarked police car?" I thought the answer was "Pull over, take your top off and start whistling the theme from Man from U.N.C.L.E." It's always worked for me, but whatever. Citizens have the right to request the officers' ID/badge, and if there are doubts, they can request a supervisor come out to the scene or ask to drive to the nearest police station.

Anyway, I was dig'ing some footage and simultaneously learning that I can afford to buy a house that costs three times my yearly salary (so I will be buying a Tuff Shed here within the next few weeks--watch for the housewarming invite).

I also learned how to clean up bad credit, how to figure out if a traffic ticket was worth fighting, and how to start a business.

The best part of my little cyber-adventure was learning how to change your name in the Grand Ole State of Cali. If you're getting married and changing your last name, you just fill out a form at the DMV and you're done. If you're changing the whole thing, you need a court order to get everything switched.

There are other rules, though. You can't change your name to that of a famous person if they determine you're doing it to be fradulent or present that person in a negative light. I guess the whole idea of changing Grae Drake to Ann B. Davis is out, then.

You also can't use fictitious names that are protected by copyright, like R2D2. They actually gave that example.

The best rule, though, is that you cannot use racial slurs or "fighting words." Once again, the Man has taken away all our fun. Think of the possibilities. Greasy Goombah, Esq. Whitey McCracka III. I'mGonna KickYerAss. Kick N. TheNuts.

You also have to publish your name change request in a local newspaper for 4 weeks. Where the hell do they put this in the LA Times? Next to the obits just to be ironic? Or can you put a classified ad in Backstage West? Hustler? That's printed here, isn't it? Oh, well. Devious Honey Drake Large will have to be my unofficial name...although I would love to hear THAT in the unemployment line, huh? Or at the free clinic.

times they are a changin'. g