Impotence

Powerlessness is truly one of the most dangerous problems that plagues our species. The inability to change a situation and the strain it puts on your heart will take people to dark places.

The land is barren these days, my darlings, and I am trying really hard to find some solid ground here. It just keeps sliding around, though, and I'm worried that this could be quicksand.

The secret to meditation, apparently, is to realize that every state of being will pass. Every moment of anger, joy, sadness, bliss, excitement, and fatigue are all temporary. It is fleeting, and none of it deserves the attention we give it. There is no reason to allow your body to suffer because of an earthly event. Taken too far, this theorem kind of takes the fun out of being a human being. But in a small dose, this practice can really help you through the hard times.

I am trying to be the Shepard here, Ringo. I am trying to remain in stasis, but some moments are more disturbing than others. Those other little things that melted away when we heard that Eric was sick are creeping back in, only to freak me out and bury me some more. I find myself wishing I was drinking right now...and then I realize that this is the exact reason I should NOT drink. Then I think, "Maybe some Cardio will help," and I find myself on the machine for an exhorbitant amount of time...

...What is it that makes things better? Oh yeah...time. Not an hour and a half of the treadmill. Or a glass of perfect, tannin-licious wine.

He has moved from the ICU, and he looks great. But he still has a bum ticker and needs surgery. So there is little peace in seeing him with washed hair, you dig?

"It's funny how life turns out/the odds of faith in the face of doubt"

If only I could stop listening to that fucking song....if only I could stop engaging in mildly compulsive behavior to give myself something to focus on other than death and sickness and worry and suffering. If only.

Today is a down moment in the cyclical pattern...which means there's nowhere to go but up.

bring it. g