Oh My Christ

Life is worth living again. I couldn't figure out why I had such a half-assed entry this morning...why it lacked heart and solidity...and now I know. I was waiting to find out the real news of the day.

She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has finally posted a new picture on her myspace page.

A close friend of mine who I love very much used to have this girlfriend. I mentioned her once before, as that one woman who singlehandedly teaches us all what NEVER to be. She and I have crossed paths once. Once.

She writes the Best Blogs out of anyone I know because she has this way of writing down half-truths that are centered around confusing poor, unsuspecting young men and their penises. She is a little hottie with a nice ass, I'll give a sister that credit, you know? But underneath that nicely sculpted gluteus maximus of hers lies an insanity rivaled only by that of Lady MacBeth or Fran Drescher. This bitch proves that the ratio of hotness to cruelty is directly proportionate, you dig? So approach if you dare.

She has been absent from myspace for awhile. We haven't read her thoughts, seen her face, or anything. She dropped off the face of the planet and spent her time hassling her ex and trimming the Christmas tree...and now her fans finally have some contact.

She has posted a new pic! Yes, my darlings, a new picture of her in A BIKINI! It is the visual version of her blog--"Look how hot I am, don't you want to smack it? Just a little?" but in it are a couple of dead giveaways--the smile, for instance. Her mouth is wide open, seemingly playful and inviting, but past the toothy grin lies something dark and evil. I'm looking at it expecting wasps to fly out from the abyss or something. It's TOO wide. Like, past what you would like to see in a Maxim pictorial--almost unhinged.

Her eyes are truly disturbing, too. Blank. Void of any shred of human decency. All clad in a little red bathing suit.

I think the photo would fool anybody who just stumbled across her online. She looks fun. Crazy. Wild in the sack. A little spitfire. But the reality is very different, and that is what makes this discovery so precious. I think I'm going to make this photo my wallpaper.

Word of warning to all you PoonTang Hunters out there: it's not always what it seems. Have fun hittin' it, but remember that when you try to quit it, it will call you 17 times a day, break the windows in your apartment, and barbecue your DVDs to make you realize the error of your ways.

once. g