Bitches, You Talk Too Much

Hey ladies. We're friends, right? We can talk like adults, right? You can take some constructive criticism from me, yes?

Stop the talking.

Chicks certainly talk too much. We forget that dudes need some silence to make the magic happen. Some of us deal with the kind of cocksucker that wishes his bitch wouldn't talk at all and would just get To Work (that's what you get for taking home your customers from Hooters, dumb ass). The majority of us, though, are used to dealing with men who enjoy attractive women who can think their way out of a paper bag. They might find it cute that you enjoy Steinbeck and have something to say about foreign policy. But, my darlings, even those guys still like a moment of silence so they can think about how you look naked.

This is coming from one of the wordiest wordsmiths out there, by the way. I love chatting people up and learning more about their lives. I am comfortable in almost any situation, and that comes from the fact that I know my audience. I can talk some jive if you feel like it, or I can pop in some SAT-caliber words and start an old fashioned debate. I pride myself on being pretty versatile.

I am having to learn this lesson just like you. I have been observing men lately and realizing that my whole "independent (talkative) woman" act isn't a complete turn-on. I never let guys be guys. I get a little weirded out when dudes do all the paying. I have to make an effort to make things even so no one thinks I'm taking advantage.

What has this attitude gotten me? Lots of mixed signals and dead ends. I'm not sure that some guys know what to make of my self-assured "I don't need you" vibe. I speak my mind and I don't take anybody's shit for too long. I wear a rhinestone belt buckle that spells out "Anal." I am not sure what that has to do with the topic, but now you know.

Anyway, my approach isn't working.

A chick came on Howard Stern and said "I'm a New York 8, why can't I get a date?" and the answer was that she was annoying. She talked all the time, never let anyone tell her ANYTHING, and she was way too overbearing. Take a lesson from women like this, my beloved girlfriends. It's not you against the world. Sometimes when you let that side of you peek out, the one that likes it when boys smack you on the ass and buy you lingerie, it makes you that much more attractive. We are multi-faceted, goddamnit. We can like Dostoyefsky, play poker, AND let a guy put a jacket over a puddle to ensure our safe travels. That's what living in this century is all about. Shut the fuck up and let him do you, for Chrissake. Then play a different game the next night. Rejoice in girliness. Who's with me?

tickle fight. g