Class 5 Rapids

No matter how many enlightening thoughts I have, I'm still human. I'm still going through something. I still forget the things I wrote a mere two hours before. I still cry hysterically and yell at myself while driving my car south on the 5 freeway. Oops. That was an overshare.

I was hiking today and I had some flashbacks of my white water rafting trip in Honduras. I hate the water, which makes my advanced SCUBA certification odd. But yet, I still went on this particular day trip complete with class 5 rapids and lots and lots of water.

We got in the raft. We started down the calm waters, remarking on the scenery and how much "fun" we were having. Then we came around a bend and saw the first rapid. As we sailed into it, I choked. I cowered in fear and prayed for it to end. And sure enough, the raft tipped and we ended up in the water. You want to hear something freaky? I had to push my way through various anonymous body parts to break the surface. I was panicked.

I knew it was all my fault. I knew I had to go against instinct and lean into the rushing white water in order to get us through safely, but I didn't. I recoiled. I took the little bitch way out. I failed miserably.

Well, for the rest of that horrifying ride, I leaned into those rapids. I faced them head on, and to hell with what would happen to me. I wasn't going to let myself or my boat mates down. We were only just drying out, after all.

It dawned on me today that pain is the same as those rapids. You have to face it, feel it, and embrace it in order to get through it. There is no easy little bitch fix...if you don't take emotional stress on, it will tip your meek ass over. You've got to lean all the way in, feel the spray, and give the white water Crazy Eyes.

In this case, "giving the white water Crazy Eyes" translates to "listen to sappy music and weep openly while writing poor metaphors." Whatever. You know what I mean. There's no easy answer, my darlings. We can only do our best to acknowledge the issues in our lives and try to fix them. Wow, easier said than done.

Squish. g