Betrayed by Precipitation

*If the rain is getting to you today, you might want to save this blog for later in the week*

If you could see me now, my darlings, you would notice that I look like that sad cartoon dog Droopy. This rain, that normally holds me in its cozy, cloudy wetness has betrayed me. Every drop that falls sinks my heart just a little bit lower.

Seriously, rain is NOT good for my psyche right now.

I have let stress take hold in my stomach area and I feel super sick. Every thought that goes through my head involves some form of self-deprecation and woe. I blame it all on the rain...the first little bit of rain brings all the oil on the streets to the surface, and that's about where I am right now.

I am oily.

I feel backed-up. So many things to say, ideas to explore, people to thank, and tears to shed that I don't quite know what to do with myself. I sure as shit am not working...the vids will have to wait. I have whining to do.

A friend wrote about how every time he got upset, every time he was convinced that his life was shit, he thought of a girl he read about in USA Today who was born without bones in her face. She was essentially faceless. And THAT is hardship--not the fact that he got dumped or he has an unpublished novel. I applaud him for his insight and perspective. But today, I want to be dramatic. I want to sigh loudly and bite my lip in despair. I want to be tortured today. I'm going to save his thoroughly true and mature realization about the girl without a face for tomorrow. Today I want to be the Edgar Allan Poe of SoCal. Without the creepy heart-beating-in-the-floorboards thing.

This rain makes me want to think of lonliness and being left behind. About going home before the after-party begins. There will be no alcohol and laughter for me, by gum. There will just be echoes of me scolding myself while walking down the dark West Hollywood streets, wrapping my sweater a little tighter around me. Cherishing each rare smile. Thanking the heavens for quiet, deep sleep.

Man, it looks like I need to eat breakfast. My blood sugar is way low. Keep your eye out for Part II of this blog, entitled "Hooray for the Breakfast of Champions and its Power to Save Me From the Depths of Wednesday Despair."

ho-hum. g