Okay, So She Doesn't Have to Die

Allright, my darlings. It's put up or shut up time.

I have got to become okay with my ex's new girlfriend or else I will lose a golden opportunity.

Now, in theory, it's okay (and preferred, even) that the ex have a new someone to go out with, laugh with, give sensual massages to, and watch bad movies with. That's the way this works. You break up with someone so they have the chance to find love while you sort your shit out and hopefully get some tail along the way. That is the valiant thing to do. That is what I set out to do.

But that poison always creeps in when you know they exist, right? That poison called Doubt...hey, hold on a second, don't you judge me. You've felt this way too. You love it, you set it free, and it goes out and fucks some chick you don't know who probably has a way better rack than you do and doesn't EVER have ingrown bikini line hairs. It makes you feel like shit. It makes you focus on your flaws, and create ones that don't even exist. Maybe the poison ebbs and flows in your system--hey, we all have bad days--but it's there.

Now, if I'm not okay with her and start making nice when she comes around, I won't become the "Girl Friday" of a seriously great up-and-coming sketch comedy group. I have the opportunity to help a group of really talented guys get their shit together and become a Comedy Juggernaut. But with everything, my darlings, the positives come with a cost.

I've got to flash toothy grins and make jokes. I've got to compliment her hair and those FABulous slacks. I have to appreciate her for the nice person that she most likely is. I have to be A GROWN UP.

I don't think it will be a problem. For the first few encounters I'm sure I'll have to take a trip to the gym and work upwards of my normal heart rate to get the poison out of my system, but I can do it. I believe in these guys. I believe in my friends. I believe in myself. I believe that acting like the bigger person will MAKE you the bigger person. Fuck, man. Who signed up for this life? It wasn't quite what I expected. Maybe if I am real good, someone will give me a pony. That would be hott.

Growed. g