You Mean War of the AWESOMES (pt. 2)

War of the Worlds is a phenomenal film. This one will stand up against the test of time and continue to make audiences putty in its celluloid hands. The story is tried and true, obviously. We know it, and we've even seen another version of it onscreen. However, this one takes the stakes of over-saturation that threatened its success and yanks them out of the ground, allowing the film to soar into the stratosphere. Previous interpretations, celebrity gossip, and religion could not stop this juggernaut.

Let's begin with the plot itself. There is something about this particular vision of the story that sucks the audience member in and makes them the target, right along with Tommy and Dakota. A friend had an excellent point that I would like to repeat: there is no omniscient audience in this film. We experience things as the characters do, and that makes it scarier. Keeping in step with films like Signs, we are stuck in the basement with these people in peril, and we know what they know. Which is nothing. During the ferry sequence? We see few wide shots until the shit actually goes down--we're caught on the boat with them, and only when our heroes get far away do we see that this is much worse than we originally imagined.

This results in your HellCat feeling absolutely sick to my stomach for the last half of the film. How would they escape? Where can they even go? How are WE going to make it through this?

Although the film is basically just our heroes running like chickens with their heads cut off (by aliens) and not much else, Spielberg manages to work his magic anyway. Thank you, Friedman and Koepp for writing in some nice moments. These fucking professionals know that sometimes, characters make decisions that will change the course of the story...and they don't have to document the moment like Bill Pullman does in Independence Day, either. It can just be a look, with a little tear forming in the corner of an eye. Bless these men for letting the characters take the quiet, classy way out. Not once can I think of a moment where they overdid it. This is one of the reasons that the movie will hold up to numerous viewings 20 years down the road, unlike the previously mentioned Will Smith Alien-Punching fiasco.

(Can I please take a moment to say that I actually just re-watched "ID" with my family, and it holds up, for the most part. If you can ignore the cheesy swelling music, one-liners, and occasional shitty-looking fire effect, then it works really well. But you must make allowances for the film, no question. It's like your vaguely irritating and acne-scarred second cousin who always shows up to reunions--he's not a bad person, but you have to make an effort to like him. He ain't flawless.)

Anyway, the effects were stellar. We all knew they would be. No sense in dwelling on that. The aliens looked great, were fucking scary, and rode in on bolts of lightning. You can't get much cooler than that, really. But! Notice that no landmarks were destroyed. What's this? Audiences can care about a film that involves the destruction of our planet without the first targets being the Statue of Liberty and the White House?! Zounds! We sure can if the destruction is as compelling as this film makes it.

As far as particular sequences go, I think that the initial reveal of the alien in NYC was terrifying. When that church front moves about a half block away from the rest of the church, I nearly shat myself. Then, the concrete taking a deep "breath" nearly gave me a seizure. Think about that. This scene nearly left me a smelly, tongue-swallowing motherfucker. No lie.

Tim Robbins shows up, and lets us all believe for approximately 10 seconds that he is normal and things might be okay for awhile. The audience doesn't even have time to ponder that, as we immediately get turned on our ear with the fantastic Hitchcockian tension of the aliens trying to find them in the cellar. Wind it up with the phenomenal "what happened behind that closed door" moment, and you've got yourself a killer end of the second act. All I have to say is, that's what happens when you let Democrats run things.

I think I was the first one in my area of the theater to realize that the aliens were actually fertilizing the planet with human blood. Can I repeat that for effect? Of course I can, this is my goddamn article. THEY WERE FERTILIZING THE PLANET WITH HUMAN BLOOD. And Tom Cruise found that out because he GOT SOME ON HIM. I let out an audible groan that had my movie-watching buddy Smith's eyebrows raised in curiosity...that remains one of the most awful, horrible realizations I've had in a movie since I realized that Howard the Duck was not, in fact, a real duck.

Let me spend a moment defending everyone's fav wacko, Mister Cruise. There is a reason he's a movie star and we've been forking over our hard-earned cash to watch him dance in his undies and fly planes and swing samurai swords. He's great. Case closed. I loved how this team let this character be a little more aware of his surroundings than is customary for our "running away from harm" characters. Keep an eye out the next time you see this film for the way he studies the creatures by giving just a second-longer glance than everyone around him. The little things about this character make me buy everything he does hook, line, and sinker.

Let's talk about this missteps. Real quick. The same pal I mentioned earlier had ANOTHER great point that the whole "machines buried for millions of years underground" thing didn't hold weight. It is kind of silly. If they put them there millions of years ago, how did they know humans would show up? And how could humans have avoided hitting them with subway systems and sewers and stuff? Hmm.

And the end? Oh, the end. Can't we PLEASE let Robby die?! I already came to terms with it. I had wiped my tears and moved on already. And then I had to take it all back. In addition, the fact that the rest of the family looked sparkling clean and unshaken made me cringe. Can we at least get some fucking ash on their face? Could they maybe put down that glass of hot chocolate? Can we get the wardrobe department to put a tear in their cardigans?! Why is the city in ruins, but this family is unscathed? AND THEIR SON HAS COME BACK TO LIFE? Bullshit, I say! Bullshit!

These not-so-wonderful script elements are outweighed by the rest of the film, so they can be swept under the metaphorical carpet in my mind. They are acceptable. If that's all they messed up, then okay. I'll take it. Compared to other summer flicks, these mistakes are miniscule. It's a victimless crime, like punching someone in the dark, as Nelson says.

WOTW is the first time in years that I have walked into a summer blockbuster that I was excited for, and walked out even MORE excited. I was doing little dances of joy. I wanted to make movies again. I couldn't stop giggling. You read part one, you saw how crazy I was. I was transported back to the days where I thought movies would always wow me, and would always deliver a wonderful evening. Back before I was hurt, before the rains came.

So, I don't give a fuck what you think. If you didn't like it, fine. But you're dead wrong. This film will live on, with each beautiful element aging like a box of fine wine that I will always want to sip from. Enjoy the rest of the summer, kids, but it ain't always going to be like this. We have to sit through lots of Hulks and Riddicks and Helsings to get to gems like this, so get your Jordan Almonds and prepare yourself.

amoebas rule. g