Peliculas Con mi Mama

If the cinema-junkie element of my personality has to be attributed to someone, I guess it would be my mom. This is the woman who grew up going to the picture show for a nickel, and watching the same flick all day long until it got dark. She would walk home reliving the dance steps or intense dialogue of the films she watched, and has barely forgotten them to this day. This woman has even decorated her home in a style straight out of some elegant 50s picture, like The Man Who Knew Too Much or Showboat or something. No, seriously, we have an entire room done in peach that no one can walk in without her carping about it.

Anyway, these days, when I come home, the only thing my family can do together is watch sports or movies. So, I am responsible for everything involving the latter--fixing the cable, hooking up the VCR correctly, or choosing the film fare for the night.

You gotta be careful with the films my parents see these days. They only dig certain kinds of NEW films. If you were to get them The Eddie Duchin Story or Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, you know that the reaction will be favorable. However, suggest going to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith at the local multiplex and they'll give you the full exaplanation as to why they have to wash their hair that night.

They generally like action flicks with stars they recognize like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I got them to watch Phone Booth even though they didn't know who Colin Farrell is, and they ended up enjoying it (they didn't even know he is Irish!). My mom likes watching some scary movies, even though when I showed her Scream she had to stop the video and excuse herself four times to get either water or an aspirin before Drew Barrymore was even dead.

They're not nuts about documentaries, but will put up with them if the topic is easy to follow. My sister showed them Super Size Me last night and they were adequately horrified and outraged...kind of the same way they felt when she showed them Farenheit 911. Except of course, that they felt horrified FOR George Bush.

This trip, my mom has said some stuff that makes me take pause. I suggested we watch DeLovely because she loves Cole Porter. I had heard her say "Ashley Judd sure is talented. She is so popular right now! It's good to know that one of the Judds is on the right track," so I figured that she might get a kick out of it. For some reason, she was less than enthused (hates the gays?) and instead suggested we rent Mulholland Drive. For those of you who don't know her, my mom knows nothing of David Lynch and would not be one of his biggest fans. I asked her why she wanted to see it, and she said, "Because it's obviously about that street right by your house in California! Why else?!"

She went on to mention that she wanted to see a "ton" of movies that came out around the same time as Mulholland Drive. For a minute I actually wrinkled my nose and tried to think of some suggestions, and then it hit me: Mom probably thinks that Finding Nemo , Airplane, and The French Connection came out at the same time as Mullholland Drive.

So, it was a lost cause. She's going to have to find her hastily-scribbled "Movies to Rent" list that she makes when she knows I'm coming into town if she wants me to take her suggestions into account at the Blockbuster.

She also randomly mentioned that she is positive Morgan Freeman's popularity comes from the blackheads on his cheekbones. My sister gently explained that those are freckles, and my mom responded "Well, my freckles don't look like that!" I'm hoping this means that my mom is completely color blind and doesn't realize that she is a WASP and Morgan Freeman is black. More than likely though, it means that she is getting older and has no idea what she is saying.

She is currently going through the TV listings that come in the Rocky Mountain News and reading every movie on TV tonight, starting at 8PM. She also likes to decide between films based on the stars next to the name. What mom hasn't considered is that some sad, anonymous soul over at RMN does this for a living, and most likely hates film. Maybe this person, let's call her Imogene, failed out of grade school and has spent her entire life blaming her failure on the fact that Jurassic Park gave her unrealistic expectations of life. And now she has worked her way from selling glowy earrings at Red Rocks concerts to the Star Person at the Rocky Mountain News, and she has a taste for blood in her mouth.

Moms just asked me if I would rather watch Spiderman 2 or Wild Things. That sweet, sweet, clueless woman.

Regardless of all this madness, I must raise my cyber-glass to her and toast to her and her love of celluloid. Thanks, Moms. Tonight I'll bring home The Bone Collector and we can all eat some popcorn.