What's Next?

This is getting to be ridiculous. Our rights are being taken away more and more, my darlings, and I am really hot under the collar today. Our simple pleasures in life are being squelched. We can no longer turn on the boob tube and see people playing tonsil hockey on television or watch movies about wars. Howard Stern cannot let sluts speak as freely as they want. What freedoms will be gone next, I find myself wondering.

I have my answer.

The Texas Education Agency is making it illegal to do sexy cheerleading routines.

Sweet Jesus! No hot cheerleaders? Our men will lose their minds! It's happening now in Texas, but it will come to you soon in Maryland and Florida, just wait! Men all across the nation are being deprived of their pleasant visuals to file away for stimulation later on, and I think this is criminal.

State Rep. Al Edwards, a Houston Democrat, sponsored the bill. He complained of cheerleaders "shaking their behinds" and "breaking it down." What is this dude's problem? Since when is breaking it down a bad thing?

I figure that this kind of legislation will drive men from their children's varsity sporting events and straight into the strip club. And while the men are away, planning out the construction it will take to turn their basements into a porn den, Al Edwards will be defining exactly WHAT constitutes a sexy routine. Our Rebel cheerleaders at Denver South High were little cuties, and one hip shake from that blonde one would give old people a heart attack. Today, they would shut blondie down and some high school boys would never become men just by watching her cheer.

And you can forget about the girl with glasses. They wouldn't even let her on the field.

let's go, rebels, let's go. g