The New Pope Looks Like Yoda

Scientists have figured out why some popcorn won't pop. A kernel is like a little pressure cooker--moisture contained inside the hull is heated up and it explodes. Kernels that don't pop have leaks in the hull and let the moisture out. Therefore, no pressure builds as heat increases--and there's no pop. Now they'll probably genetically engineer corn, so no moron eats a kernel and has to make an emergency trip to the dentist.

Also, love is blind. It's not just blind, though. It has an eye patch, and a burlap sack over its head. You wouldn't notice, because it usually keeps its head in the sand anyway, which also makes it kind of deaf. Isn't it funny how one overlooks things in their new love interests because their chemicals are so far out of whack that they can't think straight?

A friend of mine is seeing someone new. I smile to listen to his stories about how "perfect she is, well not perfect EXACTLY, but great, you know?" At the point in his sentence when he said "not perfect EXACTLY," I wonder what he was thinking of. Was it her annoying laugh or her proclivity for nose-picking when she thinks no one is looking? Or is it her overly-loud voice? Penchant for buggery? What things does he notice now that his surging libido won't allow him to fully acknowledge until later?

If a person were able to identify the things that make their significant other imperfect, then go back to being all smitten in the relationship, we would be set. Perhaps that would soften the blow once the magic has worn off. Or are we all doomed to allow the unseeing eyes of love to taint our observations? Are we really so desperate to be with other people that we'll bury our doubts and just "live with it?"

Some people don't like ANY people they meet. Like Jerry Seinfeld, they come up with stupid reasons to dislike their romantic interests. The result? We make sitcoms about how dysfunctional they are so we can silently judge them and get some cheap laughs. "Look at those losers," we say. "They will never allow themselves to find true happiness. How sad for them." Never mind that the person saying this has no idea what true happiness is anyway.

Speaking of true happiness, as I was getting ready to go to the gym at the crack of dawn, I was watching Muppets Take Manhattan. I got to see Gregory Hines scold Kermit, Brooke Shields engage in conversation with a rat, and see Gonzo in a jumpsuit. Those movies are gold. I had to leave during the baby sequence where Miss Piggy is singing some song about performing neurosurgery on Kermit because she loves him so much (?). Those puppets sure are cute. No wonder I loved the Muppet Babies cartoon when I was little.

I watched too many cartoons and not enough Kids in the Hall in my youth. I have not fully ackcnowledged their genius. To remedy this, I am going to purchase seasons 1 and 2 posthaste. Then I will giggle at Mark McKinney dressed as a woman, because it's one of the things on this planet that is totally and completely wrong.

It's about as wrong as pocorn not popping, in fact.

jiffy. g