Punch Card Predicament

Every place you go offers punch cards these days. Like insecure fat girls awkwardly half-shouting, "Let's hang out sometime!" the punch card in your hand is an open invitation to return. Pretty, pretty please, return. I have a giant collection of punch cards from Coffee Bean, Hot Topic, Body Shop, etc. Everywhere. And I always forget them at home or forget to pull them out when I buy something. So,I have learned to walk away from the shop/fat girl, force a smile, and quickly put the invite out of my head.

It doesn't have to be this way.

My betrothed recently offered her "man on the side" a Blow Job Punch Card. I think that this is genius. Talk about something you would never forget to carry with you! In these days of Standing Os and David Bowie albums on repeat, this seems like a phenom idea. One can feel like a bit of a maladroit for offering pleasure to someone they dig. It's a very delicate topic that is best handled with care...and the pressure is taken off by the tangible B.J. P.C.

I imagine my card being business-card sized, nothing unusual there. It would be made of fine card stock--really rigid--just to be metaphoric. Glossy, too. Perhaps my B.J. P.C. would be grey, for obvious reasons, and it would say something like, "Turn your blue skies Grae." or maybe just "I like your Unit." Maybe something less crude..."You're in good hands with Grae." "Cum visit!" "Let's Hit It." or the always demure "Let's Fuck Around."

I would have a special hole puncher in the shape of a heart or a star, and it would be tiny enough to fit into an evening bag or my fifth jean pocket.

The Punch Card would be free (although if you buy me dinner to get my strength up, that's okay), and there would be few restrictions. The card is only good for the person it is issued to. Choosing to redeem a punch when it might get you arrested would make me take pause...although technically, in most states, it can get you arrested even when you're in your own house. So, I guess the dressing room of Fred Segal is in. Oh, the bathroom of Cheetah's? No problem. Space Mountain? Maybe when it re-opens, cowboy.

giddy up. g