Domo Oregato

The HellCat is tired, my darlings. I was meditating on this idea this morning, as I sat in the darkened Treehouse and tried desperately to muster the energy to go to the gym. My tanks are draining faster than I can fill them. "When will this end?" I wondered aloud. "And Madonna must be a robot."

That might seem like a non-sequitur, but it makes perfect sense to me and my computer. I was watching the latest music video from the Queen of Pop, and was marveling at her perfect ass. She is in a tiny little pink leotard and high heels, dancing around, doing a modern version of The Hustle and flexing for all she's worth.

She looks good.

When you get up close, she is one of those women who you know is older but doesn't look entirely her age, so she just comes off as vaguely creepy. The vague creepiness is directly proprotionate to how much you want to have sex with her. You know how this works. Hollywood is freaking us all out.

Anyhow, I know this woman is rich, does lots of yoga, and eats macrobiotic, raw, nutrient-rich dirt and leaves (which is pretty much the recipe for aging slower than one normally would). I know that. But seriously. She's almost 50 and her ass makes normal human beings weep as though they just saw the Virgin Mary appear in their Wheaties.

Don't think that the director didn't know this. We get lots and lots of cleverly positioned ass shots showing old Esther wiggling, bending over, and joggling the moneymaker at us as we sit on our couch, soft-bodied and bleary eyed. Later in the vid, she takes to hip shaking. There's basically a lot of below-the-waist action in this new visual treat from Madge.

I ascertained from watching it, as I said previously, that she is a robot. Just like Dakota Fanning. Case in point: she broke her arm very recently on her birthday. Was she in a cast in this video? No. The sling was a front! She never broke anything. They just needed to reorder her titanium bolts that screw everything together.

That should be proof enough for you. If you want some more, you cynical cutie, then here it is. The new album is called "Confessions on a Dance Floor." Obviously she is itching to confess that she is not human. HelLO, wake up and smell the soldering iron!

all hung up. g