Good Idea, Jenni

I agree with you, my lovely bride-to-be. I am going to tell stories about exes like Juno does. Here goes...

This one time, I broke up with this guy who had an unnatural obsession with Stone Temple Pilots, although that's not why we broke up (I was 13 years old and bored). When I visited his school six months after the breakup to see a play, he knew I was coming and had asked all of our mutual friends to tell me he had been in an accident and had amnesia.

The combination of the blank look on his face when I offered a nonchalant "Hi" combined with 3 people telling me that he had been hit by a bus sent my young HellCat mind into a Drama Queen Frenzy.

I went out to the field to cry a little and found my friend Owen avoiding gym class. He asked me what was wrong and I explained. Then he said, "Jake wasn't in an accident. He thinks you still like him. But don't tell anyone I told you."

I thanked him for telling me and walked indignantly back to my school, feeling wounded but superior.

We only spoke once after that, when I was 17 and saw him in a bagel shop. I relayed the entire story to my friend Chadley, and he immediately walked up to Jake and said, "Hey, man. We all go through hard times. And since you couldn't even remember your friends, you must have been really fucked." And then he did the "There's something on your shirt" thing with his finger, and sure enough, Jake looked down. Chadley flicked him on the nose and we laughed at him while he pretended not to know who I was.

And then he died.

knock on wood. g