From Courtney to Rupert in One Slice

Lately, the stars have been shifting and it's making people act crazy. I'm not talking charming, Rupert Everett crazy. I'm talking more of a "I hate my life and want all this shit to disappear" kind of vibe. More like Courtney Love crazy. No one is releasing their dead husband's unheard masterpieces, okay? They're clinging to whatever they have as their knuckles turn white, and making Dave Grohl hate them in the process. Enough of the poor metaphor. Life is tough, is what I'm saying.

This weekend made me realize something. Life is presenting me with so many gifts, and I have been letting them pass me by.

This is the time of our lives that we will always want to return to. When we are old, rocking on the porch with our Depends making little crinkly noises at every opportunity, we will think back to these days. The days when we were beautiful and vibrant and could get away with anything. We have little more than money to pay the rent, gas in our cars, and some cash for a DVD here and there, but by cracky, that's enough. We have each other. We have fairly good health, easy access to drugs, and little need for makeup and a sensible diet.

Speaking of sensible diets, I had the best chocolate cake ever this weekend. No, I am not supposed to eat it, and no, it is not good for my adrenal glands. To top that off, I ate rich, delectable kalamata olives and spit the pits right on the ground. I had a Newcastle, too. And white rice! What did all of these things have in common?

The wonderful company they all came with.

This whole weekend was full of laughing, insights, and hope. How gorgeous it was.

Anyone who has been reading for the past couple of months knows that it hasn't really been the greatest summer for the old HellCat. It could always be worse, right? I could have been born with no bones in my face, or be an orphan in Cambodia drinking the same water that the yaks bathe in. But it has still sucked. And this morning, as I rose with a spring in my step and a smile on my face, I realized that I am surrounded by magnificence on all sides.

So are you. So keep going. Pretty soon, this will all come to a halt. We would have no appreciation for the good things in this life if we had never seen the bad. Keep your chin up. Insert whatever motivational phrase you've seen on one of those retarded posters with a skiier or a mountain climber on it right here, and follow it up with something a football coach would say right before the big homecoming game. You can even quote Morgan Freeman in "Lean on Me" or Edward James Olmos in "Stand and Deliver." Fuck, even a line from Michelle Pfeiffer in "Dangerous Minds" will do. Just say whatever you need to say to make it through.

And in the meantime, have some cake. I swear to the Almighty that it works wonders.

kalamata this. g