Et tu, Conchata?

My computer is dead. I think it might be terminal. At the very least, it is going to cost me a large sum of money that I do not have to fix it. My laptop, the glistening, sleek, lovable Conchata Lawrence, has betrayed me. Why should my electronics be any different from anything else in my life?

And that, my darlings, is the last sad-sack thing you will hear me say for awhile. I know this journey will consist of plateaus and caverns...and a summit somewhere...but it's time to get a move on. This has gone on too long. I have maxed out too many sympathetic ears with my tales of woe.

I have been told that I am emo as fuck. That I need to figure out what I want. Friends have said things like I need to focus on myself, move to Europe, accept that which I cannot change, and hold my head high. I have also been told that I would sell out Anne Frank if it meant ending a dry spell. And now it is time for this to end.

I know that the texts I send to phones that can't receive them will always be unanswered. I will not find any magical, unexpected emails in my inbox. I understand that when sometehing has its hooks in your life, it's not a priority to make nice with old pals. No, no, no need to explain, I know when I can't show my face in certain places. And most of all, I have come to terms with the fact that I make the decisions for myself, and even if they're wrong or will hurt me in the end, at least I stood up to this world and made them.

Sure, I can use Saturn shifting houses into Leo as an excuse for my shitty predicaments. I can always throw my hands up and say, "Well, once the stars are aligned, things will go back to normal." That all might be true. However, in the meantime, when I have a chance to take the reigns on something and give myself one moment of calm, then I will do it.

I know the risks. I see both sides. I understand that things might not work out as I planned. But you know what? It's time to stand up for myself and make this world my bitch. I am choosing this path, and I am doing it on my own terms. This one is for me.

It feels good to know that even if something gets screwed up in the end, you took charge and screamed, "Come on! Is that all you've got?!" right in fate's face. Nice, steady steps. Focus. Hope. Strength. Determination. Love. And most of all, persistence that would make that little squirrel from Ice Age look like a pussy.

She's back, folks. g