Go for the Gold

I am feeling super inspired today, and I wanted to share it with you. I want the fever to spread. So ladies, listen up. Men, please get on the sidelines, get out your tight sweaters and short skirts, and cheer me on. I'm going to need some backup.

Pom poms ready? Okay.

No one is perfect. I'm speaking about the physical today, my darlings, and I'm here to tell you that we are all flawed. Even those women that we are trying to emulate are not greek goddesses like we think. Hopefully, this is not a new idea to you. Perhaps you are suspicious of it, but try and send away the guards that protect your mind and heart from change (isn't it about time for their lunch break, anyway?) and let this idea in.

I've seen it up close. I've seen the women who I thought were flawless take the duct tape off and slump their shoulders. Some of them have those fat deposits on their hips that no one can seem to get rid of, some have terrible skin, and others have dull eyes. The possibilities are endless, really, for the things that could be wrong with someone's body. Even Rebecca Romjin Stamos doesn't look quite as hot on Saturday morning while she's chasing her kids around the house, scraping cheese of the couch with a broken fingernail, and getting dog excrement off her shoe.

So relax.

I was thinking that since it's Friday, I might give myself a day off from being negative about me. I don't have a huge problem with that, actually, but there are a few hot-button issues that always cause me to wrinkle my nose and sigh really loudly when I think about them. And today, that will not happen.

You know what spurred this on? A fantastic quote that I heard secondhand last night. Men were asked what parts of a woman they find sexy, and they gave hundreds of different answers. One man--one blessed, lovely man--said, "Well, they don't call them HATE handles."

So today, in honor of that wonderful man, my love handles get a break.

I am reminded of a time in high school when I was voicing disdain for my slight love handle chub. My good friend Whip said, "I like mine. They make me feel like a girl." Back then, I thought she was fucking nuts. Today, I admire her resolve and foresight.

On this special Friday, I am going to give my little cushiony pals a rest. I am going to love them. Massage them a little. Put extra lotion on them. I am still going to work out, but every time I am aware of their presence, I will say, "Hello, friend," instead of "Die, you ugly, man-scaring pockets of blubber! DIE! No longer will you hang over my low-rise jeans! No longer!"

There was another quote I heard that I liked a lot. Another man in the same group I mentioned earlier said, "It really comes down to this. No matter what size or shape it is, some man is diggin' on it." (At the time, he was referring to derrieres, but I think it applies to everything.)

How true. And the other thing is, you will become that much more irresistible when you dig on yourself (masturbation jokes aside).

This is KitKat Friday, and YOU deserve a break today, my female darlings. Pick out that one thing that you beat yourself up over, and love it instead. See what happens. Seriously, everything can go back to normal tomorrow--you can continue in your shame spiral and everything. But today, make a change. You might be surprised at how great you feel.

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y. g