Let the Summer Begin

ATTN: This entry is one big quasi-spoiler. Pass it up if you don't want to hear my thoughts on Batman Begins!

Smith, the Cop, and R-Dawg and I trekked over to Downtown Disneyland to see Christian Bale dress up in a bat suit and fight crime last night at midnight.

We were buzzed off the ginormous mugs of Hefeweizen we all drank at ESPN Zone (I had to hold mine with two hands, and could barely lift it to my mouth. And I work out!). We were primed and ready, armed with coffee to stay awake and good conversation to keep the juices flowing.

On a scale of 1 to 10 on the Bat-Tastic meter, I have to rate it a 7.

I had little to no idea what was even happening until the third act. The fight scenes were reminiscent of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, where every shot was framed so tightly and cut so fast that you couldn't tell who was winning or whose ear that was. You just heard a beating taking place. I found this disappointing. I wanted to see more wide shots exhibiting those fine asses the men worked so hard to sculpt. Smith had a great point--even Tim Burton could pull that off.

The "Big Threat to Gotham" that Batman had to shut down was really forced. It took a REALLY long time to figure out what this convoluted plan even was, much less how they were going to pull off the crime and what the fuck the monorail had to do with anything. They made it very clear that Wayne Enterprises was in the center of the city, though, and that was important for some reason. That's the only really clear piece of information in the film, and it's relatively useless.

There was something in there about a giant vaporizer, and some hallucinogen in the water...that much I got...but the climax was hard to latch onto.

Having said that, the movie has ABSOLUTELY revived the franchise. This movie was a lukewarm origin film that has a great cast, a great look, and some great toys. Alfred, as always, is the greatest character ever. Katie Holmes did a decent job as the love interest fighting for the common good, Liam was wonderful to watch, and Christian Bale is by far the most well-rounded Batman of all time.

When Batman responds to a terrified inquiry about his identity, the writers gave a delightful nod to Michael Keaton. "I'm Batman." Bale said. And I have to be honest, I got a little excited. Sexually. It was totally amazing. I was sold, and I want to see more of this man fighting crime.

So, go see this one. If you already did, then be proud of that. And let's go see the next one together, shall we? Rumor has it that Chris Nolan wants Liev Schreiber as Two Face, and Crispin Glover as the Joker. Sign me the eff up.

proud batmobile slut. g