Ex-istential Dilemma

I have made plans twice tonight, and twice they have been cancelled. It looks like S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night is the time to catch up on my NetFlix and take extra special care of myself. Maybe a pedicure. I started surfing the 'net, just for funsies, and I ended up on myspace.

Recently, my first major boyfriend wanted to add me as his friend. He dumped me my sophomore year of college, causing me to continuously bang my fists on the floor of my apartment and listen to the Magnolia soundtrack non-stop, but we were able to salvage the relationship and have remained friends.

Anyway, his life fascinates me. I pride myself on being a good girl's wild girl. I am responsible and take good care of myself, but I indulge my wild side and love being naughty. As it turns out, I am a fucking nun compared to my ex. He was in and out of college, moving from town to town, and giving a real patchwork feel to his life...but the story gets more interesting from there...

Although most people would classify him a fuck up, he remains an enigma that plays the guitar. Therefore, he is ridiculously attractive to someone who doesn't know better. He has slashed and burned the Forest of Hot Women...and I have a feeling that combined with his drug use and alcoholism, just looking at him these days will give you a nasty case of Hep-C.

Back to tonight. I ended up on myspace. I saw his sister's profile and I clicked on her blog. It was some diatribe about how shitty rumors are, and how people who ruin other people's lives suck (which is devastating, even more so when you're 19, like Al is). I scroll down and find DJ's ex-girlfriend's response to Al's blog...and it shocked me.

Apparently, according to this young lady, DJ cheated on her with some skag (he has a weakness for skags, by the way, present company excluded). Even though he did this, he proposed to his ex and kept sleeping with the other woman. He threw her stuff out of a second-story window, and (gasp!) spread rumors about her via text message. This, of course, makes him a monster. How dare he text someone?! What a villain!

She continues to allege that he pushed her some, and cut up her hand somehow...but the worst part of the blog was that his ex is convinced that DJ likes to punch women with closed fists while having sex with them.

I don't remember it quite like that, but I guess people's tastes can change.

After reading her fiery blog, I am also wondering if he just liked punching HER in the face while having sex with her.

This is the man who whisked me away to NYC when we were young and in love, and bought me jewelry and expensive dinners. He said "I love you" like it ripped his heart out to utter the words, and he thought I was so hot that his head looked like it might rocket into the heavens if I took my clothes off. This guy was a sensitive, beautiful artist who ran warm water over his hands before they made contact with my skin (as to not make me uncomfortable in the cold Denver weather). He rarely raised his voice to me, much less punched me in the face.

It's strange where we all end up. One day you're watching SouthPark with someone in their basement and wishing they would kiss you, and the next you're hoping they don't stick a shiv in your side when they give you a ride home from the airport.

new york state of mind. g