Vignettes

Hi, my darlings. This weekend was full of fun and sun and short skirts and floppy hats. I love this goddamn town. You walk out of your home, fresh from a night of crazy jungle love, and the sky couldn't be bluer. The air couldn't be...airier. And life just seems to make sense, you know? The 2004 Winter was truly one of Discontent. However, the theme for Spring 2005 is all Fucking and Terry Cloth. Seriously, Theirry Mugler is all over this on the runways.

**Congress is going to pass a bill that would extend daylight savings time by two months. They hope to save energy and some oil...and I find myself disturbed. Can they do this? I am imbibed with blind trust that Daylight Savings is an old timey custom put into action by the Lord himself...not just some construct by society to futz with our heads and make us late one Sunday in the Spring and early for something another Sunday in the fall.

What's next? Congress changes the space-time continuum so Reagan gets back in office?

**I volunteer in this phenomenal organization called the Young Storytellers Program (youngstorytellers.com). 10 mentors go to a school and help 10 elementary school kids write a play. At the end of 6 weeks, actors come in and perform their plays for them. The program really enriches the lives of everyone inolved--not only do we get to hang out with amazing kids and encourage their creative abilities, but the volunteers themselves are incredible too. Everyone wins.

Anyway, we just started one in Watts. These kids are so sharp, I can tell it's going to be a great group. We were talking about the BIG SHOW, and how much fun it was going to be. We're getting them all psyched up about cake, pizza, balloons, and all that fun stuff, and this one kid casually raises his hand and waits for someone to acknowledge him.

This kid was wearing snazzy snakeskin loafers, black slacks, and a button-down shirt with a dragon in the lower corner. He has about 5 inches on all the other kids...and is basically a total bad ass.

When we finally ask him what he wants to say, he looks around and says, "May we please also have some fruit cocktail?"

And that was, hands-down, the funniest thing I have ever heard a child say in person.

I will be bringing Qua'Monte the biggest damn can of fruit cocktail he has ever seen. It will be larger than his head.

**I have decided that Asian people, particularly Koreans and the Japanese, are culinary geniuses. They make The Man cook food at his own table and then get him to pay them WITH a gratuity added on. And The Man loves it. I have been on a Shabu-Shabu and Korean barbecue rampage lately, and I can't get enough.

The best part is when they barely speak English, because that adds an element of mystery to it all. What will you get next? No one knows. Could be prime rib, could be Kobe beef. Might be pork. Just use some hand gesture that you think resembles "food please," Mister White Devil, then sit back, and let the magic happen.

**At the neighborhood poker game last week, my favorite Jewish hip-hop artist brought his Dad. The Mighty G was telling me that she was messing around, making jokes about coke and hookers to see how cool he was. He was with her the whole time, apparently, inspiring witty banter and making some killer bluffs.

Turns out Larry had a line. And, not surprisingly, the Mighty G crossed it. As the G so nonchalantly puts it:

"Yeah. Apparently the line was drawn at Gay Pornography. Who knew?"

Now we do, I guess. Sorry, Larry.

sproing. g