Snips, Snails, Puppy Dog's Tails...

I recently had a conversation that involved first impressions. I love these, because I am fascinated with how people appear as opposed to how they actually are, inlcuding myself. The dialogue went like this:

"I bet you thought I was a lesbian."
"No, no, I saw the look on your face and I knew that..."
"That what?"
"I thought, 'There goes a girl...'"
"...That likes dick?"
"Well...yes."

This, in a word, is awesome. Let me paint you a picture: I am a tall, solidly built lady with short hair. I like to wear Birkenstocks unless the situation calls for something else (which it rarely does). Although I adore what has been referred to as the Wisconsin Going Out Attire, which includes flirty tops and jeans, and even dresses and heels, I enjoy tee shirts with ironic sayings and my gaucho pants the best. I like cowboy hats, and my floppy hat if it's sunny. I get my nails done but will still operate power tools with them on.

So the fact that I gave off the air of heterosexuality is rockin'.

And in this lovely morning, where I am thinking about the wonderful men in my life, both romantic and not, I am thinking about things they do that send my feminine sensibilities aflutter. Ladies, some of these are from your stories. If you don't recognize your man in here, do they still ring true? Do tell!

-Playing musical instruments
-Fixing things around the house (and scrunching themselves in hard-to-reach places to do it)
-Driving places and letting you out while they park the car
-Opening doors
-Fixing dinner
-Massages
-Falling down/tripping in moments they were trying to be smooth
-Running around in the surf
-Walking out of the bathroom with a towel around their waist
-Calling your name
-Listening to stupid, long stories and interjecting opinions
-Watching sports on TV and drinking beer
-Putting their arm around you
-Pumping your gas (Ladies, have you ever had this done?! My guess is no. Guys, get to it! This is a major point-earner!)
-Buying tickets to a movie you wanted to see
-Buying you a DVD of a movie you Love
-Spooning

Guys are great. Of course, most of these things can be applied to women as well, but that doesn't matter to me. I am the Bastion of Heterosexuality. I care not for vaginas and breasts. And you can quote me on that.

Love the one you're with today, my darlings. Let your hugs flow freely and write a naughty email. Pump up those hormones and get all antsy thinking of someone you like. Make today Nympho Day. Wait...hold on. That's a genius idea.

I DECLARE MARCH 29 NYMPHO DAY!

Have sex indiscriminately with as many partners as you can! Pretend that, with every orgasm, you are erasing a painful childhood memory! But deep in your heart, know that it isn't working and then have sex with someone else! Hooray!

...maybe Nympho day isn't such a good idea...

Whatever. Quit reading this and go make out in a storage room with that hottie you've had your eye on for weeks.

delicious. g