Can't Escape Fate

It's Saturday. I am out enjoying some fine fine comedy with a disarmingly-charming gentleman. We are eating some good food, drinking some pleasant libations, and laughing a lot.

All of a sudden, the next performer gets on stage. I don't recognize his name, but as he turns and faces the audience, I feel like I know him from somewhere. And then he says the magic words: He's Just Not That Into You.

Silly me. I thought I was going to see some comedy. I thought I was out having fun. I thought my belly was full and my palat was nicely moistened. But no. I was here to face my demons.

Greg Behrendt didn't really talk about the book much. He glossed over it, since it's not that funny and no one at the club really cared. There was probably that one girl sitting against the back wall whose best male friend of 7 years "doesn't want to ruin their friendship" and she was hoping to get Greg to autograph the book after the show. Anyway. Even though the topic of his set was not the book or much having to do with its contents, I felt like it was a sign. I needed to close the brief chapter of my life that involved the ideas held within that damned books' pages and the unfortunate feelings of insecurity and uncertainty that I felt after reading it.

Here's the deal. When you look through my archives and read "Blogs are Ruining My Life," you'll see a different me. That one was riddled with negative coincidence and lots of bad mojo in the bloodstream. I feel like I have made major steps to rid myself of said mojo, as I promised certain Important Individuals in my life (myself included) that I would.

Here's what I've realized from all my recent conversations and emails...and also through my Luddite ex's archives, which I continued to pick over.

It doesn't matter what other people think or feel about something. It matters what YOU think or feel about it. Now, please don't misunderstand, my darlings. I'm not saying that other people don't matter. I'm not telling you to live exclusively for yourself. What I'm saying is that the whole problem with Love, Confidence, and The Rest is that we count on other people to give it to us. We feel like maybe we've got it, but then we look outside of ourselves to get that validation. And we always end up disappointed. No one knows exactly what you need but You.

The fact that you love someone with all your heart unconditionally is what matters. The fact that you can experience that wholesomeness within yourself, and that you met that someone is the important part--not that they return your love. Some people cannot make themselves give a shit about others when it really comes down to brass tacks. The fact that YOU CAN is beautiful.

What matters is that you wake your ass up and go for a walk, eat right, and develop discipline within yourself. Not that someone tells you you're hot. When you can be proud of the job you've done, you don't NEED a compliment. Remember that Animal Instinct tells people how to treat each other. We react to what's there. Some people just have that Thing that makes other people want to be around them, compliment them, and jump in the sack with them. There's a certain kind of calm that surrounds people who have their shit together. The rest of the population can be just as charming, but not nearly as magnetic.

Enough preaching. I realized that everybody goes through a moment of self-doubt. Sometimes people deal with intense surges of emotion in a way that stings you. They just need room to work through it and it has nothing to do with...well, nothing to do with me and how agressive I am in a relationship, specifically.

If you love it, set it free. Wow, you know what?! I always thought that statement applied to others, but it's true for you, too. If you love yourself, then just let yourself go. It will all fall into place. Whoah. I am blowing my own mind with this stuff, my darlings.

And when I say "let yourself go," I do NOT mean, like, eat whatever you want and get all fat and stuff. That would be way gross.

Yummy! g