We Mustn't Lose This

As the days pass, I find myself wishing I knew what I was in for. What triumphs and failures are going to make me into the person I will become? Who will I meet, what will I learn, what will I look like? But mostly, what ingredients will sprinkle themselves into my life that will make me into an Old Casserole?

How can I avoid making the mistake so many before me made? What thing happens that makes people forget how good rain feels, or how it isn't the end of the world if you miss a Christmas party to snuggle in front of a fire with the one you love? Why do sunsets become less impressive? Where does the magic go?

I have no idea. No one else seems to, either.

Today, my days are filled with inhaling deeply and loving sunshine. I cherish the feeling of crisp cotton against my skin. My man's beard provides calm and giddiness all at the same time when it brushes against my face...and laughter comes so easily. But I worry that it can't be like this forever.

The worst part is that one day we just wake up and it's gone. All of a sudden, we talk too much and kiss too little. There are things to be done, and your face in those old pictures seem like strangers. Is writing the secret? Can I keep a journal to remind me that life is too short to ever NOT walk in the park and play with flowers? Make a video? Paint?

Who knows. I just find myself sitting here wishing that I could avoid what I fear is inevitable.

concerned. g