I Love The Sex and Pasta

As truthful as I am here, in our own private little Web World, I still leave some things unsaid. Some things I find necessary to keep to myself. But lately it's become clear that this might not be the healthiest way to go. I figured that releasing these skeletons from my proverbial closet would set me free. So here they are.

First of all, I am not a smoothie person. I like the idea of smoothies, because they contain fruit and/or vegetables, and if I can drink something instead of chew it, I'm all over it. But when I find myself in front of a menu, I feel overwhelmed at all the combinations. Suddenly, the small difference between strawberries and raspberries seems monumental. Orange or pineapple? Do I want apple juice in there, or not? And what about papaya? Am I really exotic enough to get fucking papaya in my drink? Or Mango, for that matter? Sheesh.

All I know for sure is that I don't want any dairy, soy, or bee pollen coming anywhere near my precious drink. I'll choke a bitch that tries to put those nefarious ingredients in there.

This problem leads me to avoid Jamba Juice like the plague. One time I went in there just because I needed a quick snack, and I stood there like some Mongoloid at the zoo. Finally someone asked me if I was okay. I said yes a little too loudly with panic in my voice, and hurriedly ordered the first thing I saw off the menu. I ended up with some Soy Yogurt- Ass Fruit- Sweaty Balls Shake with a Bee Pollen twist. It ruined my day.

Next on the list is what I do when I look in the mirror. I have been told by several people that I have a "Mirror Face." Only problem is, I don't know I'm doing it. Apparently I take care of my reflective business, and then just before I leave the mirror, my back straightens just the tiniest bit, and I purse my lips together. I also add a small raise of the eyebrows. Then, I just leave and go about my day.

And the last thing I will reveal is that while I'm watching TV by myself, I put my left hand on my belly because it comforts me.

Since you asked so nicely, here's a bonus. I am a huge fan of Gross Bodily Occurrences, with my most favoritest one being Ingrown Hairs. I particularly enjoy ingrown hairs that have been aging under my skin for a long time (not entirely unlike fine wine). Those are the ones that surface and end up being seven inches long.

Also, if anyone has any mysterious boils or pimples that need to be popped, give me a call. I have nails now, and I know how to use them.

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