Focus Problems

Living situations. Am I going to live in a studio apartment for the rest of my life? What is my credit score right now, and would I be approved for an apartment? How can I get rid of my belongings and become a monk, free from the pull of possessions and comfy beds?

Money. Will I ever have enough of it to own a home? How much should I be saving right now? Is there any way I can get ahead? Is this monk thing really viable, or will I have to give up my check card?

Health. Should I be spending more time working towards my goals, or just let it all happen? How do I avoid becoming an old fattie? Do monk robes come in extra large?

Career. Is freelancing really the way to go, or do I need a real job? Am I even good at this? Should I be settling for a nice position at the local library and forget about sitting in front of computers in dark rooms? Shouldn't I be more successful right now than I actually am?

Do I even look good in Monk Robe Orange?

I am having problems getting rid of this anxiety. I think my adrenals must be hurting, otherwise I would be able to dismiss all these things as the poppycock they are and just keep on truckin'. However, my own concerns plus those of everyone around me are keeping me from enjoying this week.

I'm also very cold up here in the Treehouse.

The moment of respite came when I was doing my super awesome new pilates routine. I was checking my form, feeling the burn (that I am still feeling one day afterwards). All of a sudden, a tiny voice said "I am proud of you. Look at all the power you have. You are doing this. Good for you, hottie." I had forgotten that this is what working out should be--not the constant "This isn't good enough" sound that had been droning on in my cranium for months now.

I am surprised that I let myself go this long without feeling good about what I have accomplished.

I am trying to calm my nerves and be the person I want to be. I want to be the one who balances her checkbook, stays within her budget, thinks ahead, does work that makes her soul happy, stays in shape, laughs a lot, and engages in lots and lots of Doing It.

It all comes back to Doing It. g