Bird's Eye View

I was at Bird's, visiting a friend I hadn't seen in ages. He was working behind the bar pouring drinks, schmoozing, and winking at full speed, as it was a busy night. After he poured my whiskey, neat, he introduced me to the man sitting next to me.

As we talked, and I accepted this man's many compliments about my "radiating beauty" and gorgeous "angel kisses (aka freckles)." Although I was flattered and thanked him very much, I mentioned that I was meeting my Special Man Friend momentarily. After he got done groaning over "the one that got away" and all that, I asked him where he was from.

It turns out that this was one interesting dude.

His mother is from Cleveland, and his dad is Israeli. He grew up in Paris, and had just arrived in LA the day before after serving in the Israeli army.

At one point, we toasted to Los Angeles and the wonders it holds for everyone, and then he asked me how he was going to find a girlfriend in this town. He moaned over how lonely he was (which the waifs find super attractive). I told him that he seemed nice, so he was sure to have some luck (although money wouldn't hurt, I thought to myself).

I mentioned that his Israeli heritage was bound to reel in some foreign-loving hotties, and he shushed me frantically. He was like, "Don't announce that I'm Israeli!" in a yell loud enough for the valet across the street to hear.

I told him to relax, that my mom told me the Jews are God's people. Plus, as my My Pablo pointed out later, you can't throw an anti-semitic rock around this city without hitting one anyway.

He calmed down and mentioned that he was glad to be gone from that "horrible place, where they were fighting for nothing." I thought of how lucky he was, moving to a place where all of us are working towards intangible, fleeting goals. In other words, a town where we were fighting for nothing.

He air-kissed me on the cheek goodbye, and I told him to keep his chin up. He'd already been shot in the side, so it was really only up from there. Right?

It's funny how the only thing I really understand about the whole Israeli-Palestinian conflict is how everybody involved mostly just wants to stop fighting, drink some Heineken, and get laid.

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