The Darker Side of Sears

The Treehouse is clear of all guests. No one expects me to be the Ambassador of Goodwill anymore. I got to snuggle with my man and fill up on kisses. The neck thing is clearing up. Things are looking up.

Unfortunately we've hit on the week where Grae's hormones are like "Guess what, sucka? We're gonna fuck wit'cha because we CAN! True that." My hormones are ganstas with much bling, and they carry their nines around with a cavelier attitude. And they're out on the streets again.

I rose this morning from my bed, overflowing with pillows, and I was assaulted by images of the people I knew once who don't want to be in my life anymore. Sadly, there are a larger number than I would like. They have nothing but lovely comments to leave on other people's myspace page. They've taken pictures and posted them online, smiles bright and glowing on my screen. Their boyfriends tell me that they're fine, but that they want nothing to do with me.

"No one else got hit? What's the deal?"

I take half the responsibility, sure. But why can't we work it out? Can't we make 5-minute fudge together and change my plaster flamingo's clothes to his Santa Suit? How about we write emails to each other and act like normal human beings?

Don't get me wrong. What I've got is enough. But that nagging feeling has taken root in my soul. I dream about this elite group often. I should be enjoying mint tea and snuggling up to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" or "Barbed Wire." But I can't fully make it there when my mind starts spinning like this.

We all stopped speaking for different reasons. It was the best thing to do at the time. But it's getting to be time to either write it off forever and be pleasantly surprised by a decades-later reunion, or strike up the band and get to dancin'.

I would like to spend today focusing on what I've got. No time to wax nostalgic and let it get me all up in a frenzy. This is the season of being thankful and loving each other...so I need to just put on my fuzzy robe and meditate on the blessings. Everything else works out the way it's supposed to.

snuggle. g