Perspective

I was reading one of the 75 forwards my mom sent me, and I was suddenly taken aback by one of the statements. It was one of those forwards that shares little witticisms about life that make you laugh, cry, and learn a little bit about yourself. Most of the time I roll my eyes and click delete, but this one really had me--I waited TWO extra seconds before getting rid of it.

It said, not unlike a wise limerick on a bathroom stall, "No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit."

Whoah. The truth of that statement is staggering. I sat there, in front of my 30" Apple widescreen monitor, and bit my lip. I am one of those women. I carry the secret that I really pushed one man to the limit and made him go nuts. I live with that knowledge. He is sick of MY shit. And if he isn't, he should be.

That little sentence spells it all out. We all come with pasts. When you're with someone, you create a past together, and it comes with all the things that glue us to one another. Great times...like vacations where you drink too much and accidentally eat soap, end up on a bus in a sketchy neighborhood, find yourself competing with other hostel-dwellers in a "Who can be louder while doing it?" contest, concerts, dinners, and nights at home. There are the bad times, like meeting exes and fighting over money and hating in-laws...

And this is what it's all about. Other people force you to go through something so you can become a better person. We seek out people who are strong where we are weak. This creates conflict, which is only an opportunity for growth. Fights, as long as you play fair, teach you things. There is a lesson everywhere, you just have to pick it out.

In my youth, my dad and I would take the latest issue of Highlights magazine and search for the hidden pictures. Next to reading Goofus and Gallant, it was my favorite thing to do. He would sit patiently, seeing almost every single hidden object clearly, and just wait for me to find it. I would take my pudgy little finger and point at something when it revealed itself to me. I would also squeal with delight, probably right in his ear, but he never complained. I loved finding those camoflauged objects more than anything, and I think that has carried into my adult life.

I love finding the lesson in things.

When pondering these things, I feel as though I am transported back to Denver with a new Highlights magazine sitting on the table, begging for me to take a peek. "Sure Grae," I say to myself in quiet moments. "Things are pretty bad right now. You feel sick. You can't sleep, don't want to eat. Your work is suffering. You're having to force the smiles." It's at this point I start to become fully aware of how shitty I feel. So, to come through in the clutch, the next thought is always, "What is it that you need to learn from this to become a better person?"

The answer is usually difficult. Oblique, even. But I feel as though, especially when in conflict with a loved one, it's important to try to emerge from an incident with some knowledge and perspective as a kind of tribute to them, like in the old country. It's like Robert DeNiro and Ray Liotta in Goodfellas. They gave Paulie some of the Lufthansa heist money, not because he was in on the scam, but because they had respect for him. And that is what I try to do.

(side note: To ease your fears, I won't relate anything else I do to in MY life to that movie. No butcher knife stabbings in the trunk of my car, or gold-plated living room walls or anything.)

(although I might end up selling stolen cigarettes to the neighborhood at some point, depending on how poorly I keep performing at work.)

We all interact and make memories together. So, yeah. That guy you just started seeing has some girls back home who are pretty mad at him. You might be surprised by just how often your girl has received angry phone calls from exes over how she treated them. The only thing we can do to protect ourselves, in the end, is stay at home.

Wait, wait, I was only kidding. You just have to act with as much integrity as you can muster, and make sure you understand that you are capable of messing things up as well as learning from the armageddon and doing a whole Phoenix thing. In honor of those you hurt. Love without fear and be glad you can.

Small tangeant: underneath the quote I've been discussing was another one..."If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it" and "Beauty is only a light switch away." The truth is still hurting...

it smarts. g