Free As a Bird

My darlings, the Drake premonition strikes again. These problems at work had spawned a genuine sense of unrest within the old Hellcat...and Friday, I got laid off. Not fired for poor performance and general idiocy, as I feared, but laid off because someone in the Czech Republic is going to do my job for a third of the cost.

I am one of those Americans who have had their job stolen by some faceless, smelly fucker wearing either wooden clogs or some goddamn lederhosen. You might as well put me in a wheelchair, grease up my hair, give me a dirty flag and re-shoot Born on the Fourth of July or something.

Life is testing me. I feel like a lonely loser. All I want is some company, someone to hold my hand and tell me that it's all going to be allright. I want a bath, a massage, some lovin'. Yet no one is texting or inviting me over to meet the relatives. I have got to toughen up and learn that a book and my right hand is all the company I need. I am a strong, independent, soft, and sexy modern woman.

Make that an unemployed modern woman.

I have some business to take care of--movies to make, instruments to learn, and skirts to sew. So I think I'm going to take some time off while I look for something better.

But right now, after a day of solitude, I just feel lame. I am not sure that I'll do the whole unstructured life thing very well. Or maybe I'll like it too much and will never look back. Damn. I didn't feel like this when I fantasized about getting canned...I felt strong and free. I felt like someone did me a huge favor, and now I can sleep in and finally clean my closet. I can get the porch all set up. I can read the classics, and write up a storm. I can do the things I have always wanted to do...

Right now, all I want to do is cuddle. There was someone with me in that fantasy I was talking about a minute ago, but the light is on and I see no one in my apartment.

How sad.

bleah. g